After becoming a mother, many women find that their identity has changed (mine included), and they struggle to figure out who they are and what they want to do.
But, you don’t have to let your life be hijacked by your children (sorry kiddos, ha).
Here are some powerful ways to reclaim your identity after becoming a mother:
Reflect on who you were before kids.
I think the most important thing is to know who you are as a person.
It’s so easy to lose yourself in motherhood.
But, don’t forget, you are not just “Mom” or “Wife” or “Friend.”
You are all of those things, but and more than that!
You are your own person, and will need to spend time thinking about who that is.
I think it’s important to reflect on who you were before kids and what made you happy before:
- What did you enjoy doing?
- What was your life like?
- How did you spend your free time?
Take time for introspection
Find a quiet space where you can sit and reflect on who you were before becoming a mother and how that person has changed over time.
- Think about what makes your heart sing and what makes your soul happy.
- What do you miss most about pre-kid life?
- What do you want out of life now?
Write down your answers so you can begin to gain some clarity.
Find small pockets of time throughout the week when you can do something for yourself (even if it’s only 15 minutes).
Make sure this isn’t “me time” in which you clean or organize.
This is about making sure that you take care of yourself, so that you don’t burn out– or worse resent your family (gasp).
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Explore activities that make you feel good.
Explore activities that make you feel good.
If you haven’t been able to do something for a while (such as running or yoga), pick it up again and see how it feels. You might be pleasantly surprised by how much fun it is!
Cultivate new interests or activities:
If you’re feeling stuck in a rut at work or at home, consider trying something new and different — even if it’s just for one day or one week out of every month.
This can help get things going again and give you fresh perspective on your life.
For example new interests can include: –
- Learning a new skill (for example, taking a cooking class, learning a new language, or learning how to play an instrument)
- Joining a club or organization (such as an arts group or community theater)
- Volunteering at a local nonprofit
Section: Make time for yourself.
When you’re busy with your children, it can be difficult to find time for yourself — especially if you have other responsibilities like working or maintaining your household.
You might find yourself thinking that making time for yourself is selfish or that it will only make things harder on everyone else in your family if you don’t do everything right away when you get home.
But taking care of yourself is actually an important part of taking care of others — especially children.
There are many ways to accomplish making time for yourself:
- Take time while children are napping.
- Use a planner to write in your “me” time
- Take time after everyone goes to sleep.
- Wake up early in the morning.
Put in dedicated “me” time on a family calendar for all to see.
Finding support
The most critical portion of “making time for yourself” is having a good support system in place.
- Enlist your family and friends to help out if and when possible.
You may need an hour here or there so that you can just decompress.
- If you don’t have family or friends who can be there for you, consider joining a support group or finding an in person community like s church.
- . If possible use babysitters, nannies, or housekeepers to help out when you need it most.
Recognize you will never be perfect.
We live in an imperfect world and we are imperfect people. Despite what many social media accounts will tell/show you.
So, stop trying to be and do all the things (I’m preaching to myself here).
Instead practice being kind to yourself.
The next step is to learn how to be kind to yourself and there are many ways to do this:
- Meditate
- Spend time in nature
- Take a break from social media and technology for a day or so.
Being kind to yourself is about being gentle with your thoughts and words.
Create boundaries around your time
The moment you decide you are going to really make dedicated time for yourself is the moment that you have to set boundaries.
This may look like setting boundaries with your family, friends, or your even having some work life balance.
If you are constantly giving of yourself, there is no room for anyone else to give back to you.
So the first step is to let people know that you need some time for yourself and that they need to respect those boundaries.
Giving yourself permission to take time for yourself will help you feel like you’re more than just a mom.
If you’re having trouble with this, try scheduling specific times each week when you’ll do something just for yourself — even if it’s only 10 minutes at first!
Give yourself permission to not answer the phone when it rings and turn off your email notifications so that nobody can bother you while you’re doing something fun or relaxing.
Reclaiming your identity after motherhood
It’s a common sentiment among moms: “I don’t know who I am anymore or who I used to be.”
But in reality, we are still who we have always been — just with a few more responsibilities and more experience under our belts.
The truth is that motherhood changes us in many ways, but it doesn’t erase who we were before it came along.
After all, there’s no magic wand that transforms us into mothers overnight.
It’s a long process that requires time and patience before we can finally accept ourselves as women with individual interests apart from our motherly and wifely roles.
