Yesterday I was a mess. Yesterday I fell apart. The high levels of stress I was trying to keep together completely unraveled with one single blow. We move to Hawaii in 2.5 weeks now and we are till trying to sell our house, ship both our cars to the island, make sure the dogs are all set to go. Writing it out doesn’t seem like too much, but the complexity of it all is overwhelming.Im usually the cool, calm, and collected one when it comes to taking care of the house, but the gravity of moving in a matter of days now hit me like a train.Today we were suppose to go to Atlanta to ship one of our cars, we had an appointment. Well, we didn’t have all the documents to send it, so we scrambled to see if we could swap that appointment date for our other car, since we own that one.All day I was stressed out and emotional due to shipping car situation.
I was on the floor in the kitchen with my back against the cold wall, and the gravity of everything hit me full force and I started ugly crying, like seriously ugly crying. Laura was playing in the living room, but came up to me pointed at my face and said, “Mommy crying, mommy sad” with a very empathetic look on her face, while signing the word crying. “Yes, laura mommy is crying, mommy is sad” I told her.
My heart broke because a huge part of me doesn’t want laura to see me cry, Growing up I NEVER saw my mom cry. My mom is strong, she is fierce, she was and is the glue that holds everything together, crying was a sign of weakness. Or so I believed that growing up. The first time I saw my mom cry I was 20 years old and couldn’t believe my mom had this human emotion. I’ll admit, was a little taken back at first, for the longest time I thought my mom was superhuman for not crying in front of us. But looking back, I wish she did, not everyday, but just enough for me to know it was a very normal emotion.
Laura just continued to look at me, she then plopped right there one the floor beside me, back against the wall, grabbed my arm, squeezed it real tight and gave me two sweet little kisses on my arm. M heart melted. My 2 year old daughter was comforting me.I picked myself off the floor held her and said, “Thank you for being such a sweet little girl, mommy loves you”. In that moment, everything stopped. And I decided to rewrite our future. I did not want Laura growing up thinking that I am some superhuman mama. That it is OK to cry. Even in front of your kids ::gasp::
I want her to know that there will be moments where you simply can’t keep it together any longer and that is OK! Cry it out, give it to God, and then pick yourself back up again. Don’t wallow in your circumstances, cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7) and move on. Walk in the light, remember God’s promise and keep it moving. I want to teach my daughter a healthy balance of emotions. I want her to know it is ok to cry and that she doesn’t have to bottle up her emotions. I believe a good cry is healthy once in a while. I know not everyone believes that, but for me, more times than not once I cry it out and give it to God, He gives me a peace that passes understanding and I am able to walk in his peace, something I cannot do on my own strength.
So, wherever you are in your life circumstances, if you need to cry and you’re holding back, because your child might see you and you just might ruin them for life. Its ok to cry, even Jesus wept.
This was beautiful. I cry in front of my kids sometimes depending on why I am upset. I don’t in some cases because I don’t want to scare them or make them feel like they did something wrong.
Awe, thank you! And I totally understand that feeling.
This is a beautifully written piece
Thank you:)
I agree with you. I have cried in front of my kids before. I think it’s important for them to see different emotions.
Yes, kids need to know that we parents do have emotions.
While I am really sorry that you’re in a stressful and difficult season in your life, I am thankful that you wrote this blog because it is exactly what I needed to hear. I am also treading through some rough waters right now, because I just moved 2 months ago and the adjustment has been rough. I hate crying, like you, I saw it as a form of weakness, but it shouldn’t be. I love that you ended your blog with “even Jesus wept” I needed that.
PS: I’m from Hawaii, you’re going to love it! 🙂
Awe, thank you. I’m glad you resonated with this topic, life can be tough, but we don’t always have to be:) Ah, we moved to hawaii 3.5 months ago now (this is an old blog post) so I can totally relate with the adjustment. I hope your days are getting better, Jasmine!
This is great! I don’t have kids but I have always wondered about this. I think vulnerability is so powerful for kids.
Yes!:)
First hugs to you and may this be the “worst” of your moving experience. Now about crying in front of my kids sadly it’s been that I’ve done plenty of times and it’s OK that they cry along with me. Our life has been an up and down roller coaster but as I always tell them behind each tear of sorrow there will be tears of complete happiness and tears are a release so never hold it in. Cry, release, pray and be thankful is what I say in my house. 🙂
Your children are lucky to have an open, honest, and loving mama!
This is beautiful. Children should see their parents cry regardless it is happy or sad tears. We need to remove the stigma that crying is bad
Thank you:) I agree 100%
I can relate. There are times that I can no longer keep it together, and I can’t help but burst out in front of my five year old, but she holds me and says, it’s ok. It really is alright to cry just like in the movie Inside Out 😉
What a sweet daughter!
Yes. Great perspective and I completely agree. Seeing us cry when things get tough teaches our kids that life isn’t always easy, and it’s ok to have emotions about it. In the same way, I think it’s ok to disagree or respectfully argue with your spouse in front of your kids. They realize that relationships come with some difficulties, but those bumps can be worked out. <3
Yes, yes, yes! I think its important for children to see their parents respectfully disagree because life isn’t always sunshine and daisies. Its ok to disagree, respectfully, and work it out.
I have had to lose my shame of crying as I’ve gotten older because i do it so much. But I always feel better after that release.
Me too!
Crying is a perfectly natural reaction to a very stressful situation. I wish it wasn’t so taboo to cry. After all crying is as normal as laughing!
Very true!
I wish more people understood this. Thanks for this post!
Me too, its quite a taboo topic, thanks Alyssa!
What a sweet message. 🙂 We don’t have kids yet, but Lord knows I sure have a good cry every now and then. Your post reminds me the importance of showing our (future) children we’re human too…and how sweet that your little one comforted you. What a treasured moment!
Thank you, Krista!:)
I cried in front of my niece before. I think there is nothing wrong with crying in front of kids. xx
I agree, Anna!
This reminds me of when I found my mom crying after she had had surgery to remove colon cancer. I was maybe 11 at the time and she was at home, and in a lot of pain. I remember thinking about how she always brought me tissues when I was crying and that she told me my home was a safe place to cry. So I did the same thing for her. She said that was one of my sweetest moments as her daughter.
Nina
aworldofdresses.com
Awe, that is too sweet! I bet that memory has a special place in your mom’s heart! Thanks for sharing that story, Nina!
Thank you for being so open and transparent. I think it’s OK to cry in front of your children. My boyfriend feels that all negative emotions should go to the back when children are around and I just can’t agree with that. And honestly, you have a lot on your plate right now. That sort of move can’t be easy.
I’m definitely with you on that! My parents hid a lot of “negative” emotions and it made it more difficult for me growing up to know that some of these emotions are ok when you deal with them properly.
This is such a great read, and for a person like me who cries a lot, this makes me feel more at ease. I don’t have kids yet but I do fear that they would see me cry when i’m upset. It’s great to know that that should be okay.
Thank you, definitely nothing wrong with crying!
I think tears are just a beautiful way to express emotions when there are no words. Children need to see sometimes that their parent’s aren’t invincible and that things affect them! It helps them understand emotion when they get older!
Worded perfectly! I agree, Ritika!
I love the honesty in this post, you are a great writer and even better mom! xo
Awe, thank you, Jae!:)
As a recovering Codependent, I’ve learnt that it’s one of our characteristics – viewing display of emotions as a sign of weakness.
People in our parents’ generations did not know the importance of expressing and processing one’s emotions. A lot of us learnt from them and have become emotionally stunted or emotionally inept, and ill-equipped to deal with our emotions.
Too many emotions such as anger and sadness have been shamed. Either by people or the media. We can’t cry or being angry is wrong. That is total BS.
My therapist taught me there are 4 emotions: Mad, Glad, Sad, Scared. Before seeing him, I never knew how to identify my emotions (another characteristic of Codependency) and never knew the importance of my feelings.
I know I’ve gone on and on, but this topic is really close to my heart. Your kids will model after you. And as their mama, you will be the one to teach them it’s ok to be Mad, Glad, Sad or Scared. Every emotion is valid, everyone has a right to how they feel.
I wish you more emotional freedom in time to come 🙂 Hope more mamas will be like you and be more emotionally open with their children.
So much truth in your message! I agree with “our parents generation not knowing the importance of expressing and processing ones motion”. Thankfully, as I got older (during my college years)l my mom was away more open with her emotions. Thank you for the comment it was quite informative, now off to searching what codependent means!
The need of not crying is because we want to be perfectionist. Someone in our lives as a child demanded that and as a result, denied us the god given ability to release stress through the lacyrmal or tear glands.
I’m so mighty glad you’ve shown your vulnerability and it will be a good lesson for the children that we don’t need to have it all together , because He’s the one that does and in that assurance, we can relax, cry, be ourselves.
Hope my comment foes through this time. JanD
Hehe, I was a perfectionist growing up. I can definitely see how that relates. Thank you, jan!:)
I think this is so important. Parents need to show their kids that it is ok to be vulnerable, and mess up, and just be human. Otherwise, we are trying to live up to things that just aren’t possible.
Yes!